There is a very famous Zen Roshi in America. I really forget his name. He’s famous, but I forgot. Well, I haven’t seen him for a long time. I saw him when I was a nobody. And now I’m still nobody, but it’s too long ago already, and that nobody has forgotten. He was trained in a Zen monastery in Japan. Have I told you this? (No.) No? He went to Taiwan (Formosa) and made a small lecture there. He was quite a nice guy. He was trained for many years in a Zen monastery. And you know, in the Zen Monastery in Japan, they make retreats. I’m not the only “inhumane conductor” around the planet. They’re even more “inhumane.” They make you sit straight for two weeks long. (Ooh...) Yeah! Ooh! Ooh!
So, when I praised you yesterday for sitting straight, that was just to whet your appetite. Don’t even think that you are great or anything like that. You can send yourself to a Zen monastery, and then see how you go. But here you already have your apprenticeship, so, I’m sure you will beat them all off, like you will sit three weeks long; two months long! Oooh! No? OK. OK. Don’t try too long then. Maybe two weeks long, non-stop even. And you have to sit straighter, there’s no “this business” around there. Because over there, they have such a long... looks like a paddle, like a golf stick? (Club.) Golf club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and longer than that. Long, long, so that he can reach from here all the way to that corner over there. Boom! If you just dare to lower your head a little bit, before you even lower it, boom! Boom, boom! On your shoulder. And then you’ll wake up in no time. You have to.
Even he just hits one participant, the rest will wake up. Because the noise should be loud enough, and you’re afraid that he will come to you, so you’d better sit up. And they don’t let you close your eyes even. No cheating, just open them like that much. You can see my eyes opened or not? (No.) No? You don’t? OK. See it now? See it now? (Yes.) That’s how you look over there. So, not only your bottom’s falling off, but your eyes also feel very dry, especially in the cold climate like that. And I don’t think they have a heater in the temple save money. And they make you sit like that all day, all night.
And after two weeks retreat, this Roshi thought, “Oh! Yes. Wow! We made it. It’s nice enough.” But the Master made him sit more, longer than that. And the Roshi said, “No, not possible! I’m done with it.” So, the Master said to him, “You are stronger than you think. Don’t worry.” And he really made… He sat more, I think, one week or two weeks more, something like that. I forgot, but longer than two weeks. Oh! My God. I wouldn’t want to be a Zen Master, even if you pay me. It is gruesome. And that temple is very funny. He told the story in his book.
How come I forgot his name? It’s really easy to remember. Anybody know about him? (A Zen Master?) Yeah! American, Zen Roshi. (Suzuki?) No, no, no. That is not American name. Oh, never mind. He’s probably not there anymore. I don’t know. When I was young, he was already old, and he trained for 13 years in a Zen monastery. He broke through. At least he came like at the Third Level; low Third. Not too bad, is it? For such a gruesome practice. Many of them don’t even get there. He is vegetarian though. No doubt. No wonder, huh?
And in that temple, it’s funny, he told in his book that they sometimes eat (animal-people) meat, the monks there. And then one day, he asked one of the monks if… Because they can eat (animal-people) meat there if they want, so, one day he asked the monk, the Zen monk, the real Zen monk in that monastery, “If we’re allowed to eat (animal-people) meat, then why do we have to eat vegetarian?” He said, “Because we don’t have money.” You know, real temple. Yeah! Real temple! Meaning, if you are a real monk, you don’t earn any money, then you don’t eat (animal-people) meat. But if you have money, you can. Oh my God! Oh! OK, anyway.
And they do a lot of Koan (practice) there, like “Who am I?” “Where am I?” Or they just go to the mountain at night, sit all night alone, and chanting like, “Moo...” Well, that’s one of the koans, don’t laugh. “Moo...” like that, and a long stretching sound. Must have sounded very nice there, no? One of the koans. You just keep repeating that. If you don’t know about Zen, you’d think maybe some cow-people are sleepless at night. But they are Zen monks, practicing their diligent ascetic Zen meditation at night. So, in case you think you’re a champion, please don’t bother, you sit here only a few days.
But in Thailand, you sat one week? Ten days? (Yes.) Yes, some of you. (Maybe two weeks.) Two weeks? (No. Not two weeks.) But less. (Not sitting.) It’s not like that! Not that. (Not sitting.) No. You came in and out, and waited for the elevator, and waited for the toilet, and waited for the meal, waited to brush teeth and… But later, the Thai government was very nice. They brought us mobile toilets. (Oh, yes, yes.) Very kind. Yes, from the Thai government, (Oh.) from the Royal Police Department. (Oh.) You were treated royally, your “throne.” You had been brought some royal “throne” to sit on.
But of course, we regulated that. We didn’t want to take anything for free. Of course, we would not do that. But they did not expect that from us. They brought it there unconditionally. They must have known that we had been good to the Thai people in the past, and ongoing – ongoing activities of charity there. They must have known that. Even though we don’t proclaim anything. Long time, I haven’t been there even. I only went there for the sake of the Chinese and the Aulacese (Vietnamese), really. And I thought it would do you, some of you “pale faces” some good being in the sun, and next to the sea. So now you know what it’s like to sit next to the sea under the sun. No need to bathe. No need to go sunbathing. You just bathe by yourself. All of you got some tan; really, two weeks retreat under the roof.
But two weeks in the Zen temple is not like that. No, no, no. You really sit straight, and you eat maybe once a day, or twice a day maximum simple food, and real vegetables, maybe tofu OK. But you don’t go around long enough like that. You don’t have such a long break in between. You really sit, and you have to sit straight, and you can’t even close your eyes. If you close your eyes, the Master will come to tell you, “Open it,” because He worries you cheat. Maybe, you’re sleeping. But then after a while, you practice, you can sleep with your eyes wide open. I did that. I did that when I was in a Zen temple a long, long time ago. It’s quite comfortable really. You just let your eyes stay where they are, and you do what you want with your soul. You just go out.
Actually, if you guys cannot sit very well for a long time, then you could quietly leave and go outside, in some fresh area outside and stretch a little bit, and walk around in a circle. Not too big a circle because we don’t have enough room now. It’s about this big, walk around. Don’t get dizzy. Walk slowly and recite the Five (Holy) Names. That’s also very nice, and also concentrate here. And then you could come back. Actually, if we had enough room, I would teach you all that, you know, like walking Zen. But we can’t even squeeze around here. You guys are always too eager to see me that you squeeze together in one or two rooms, even we have a lot of rooms empty. That’s the problem.
And we... we are the “poorest” group of meditators; we never have enough big rooms for everybody. Wow! I’m really sorry for you. (No.) No? (No.) You never have a decent place to sit. (This is perfect.) Yeah? But squeezy like that, shoulder to shoulder, difficult to sleep like that. (It is warmer.) What? (It’s cozy.) It’s cozy. It’s good that we make it in winter. It is cool, OK. If you don’t mind, it’s OK. But there are forms of exercises you could do during the retreat, which I never had the time to exercise because we never had enough room. You know, like you could stand up, and walk around together in a circle. But where do we find a circle here?
Most of the retreats, as far as I know, when I was in one Zen temple, they congregated maybe... how many… 15 in the temple, 15 or 50 (people) maximum. But the 50, they were just doing something else; they just recited the Buddha’s Name and walked around. The 15 people, they sat also, but they had room to walk around. Even this house, if 15 people only, then you can walk around. Inside this meditation hall, you can walk around. Well, if you want, I can show you some of that form someday if we have less people.
But I need a big stick, also. Well, if you want a Zen style, then we’ll make a Zen style, a real Zen style. And your eyes have to be open this much, and I will watch if anybody doesn’t open their eyes, and put toothpicks in between. (Oh, no.) No, they really hit you. It doesn’t hurt, but it scares you sometimes. When you just doze off a little bit, and somebody just whacks you on the shoulder. Can you imagine? It must be very shocking. Even if you are not enlightened, you probably will see some stars.
It’s not difficult to do this walking Zen. You just walk, with your eyes open a little bit. Please don’t close your eyes while doing walking Zen! Just walk around together, and recite the Buddha’s Name. That’s what they do. Or they don’t recite it, or anything. It depends on what kind of celebration they’re having. This is so cute, huh? (That’s right.) Sometimes, if they just recite Buddha’s Name, then they just go around reciting Buddha’s Name. But if they meditate Zen style, then they don’t recite. They just observe their breathing. Breathe in and out, like that. In, out, in, out, and your eyes have to be open. That’s the rule.
Photo Caption: If One Has to Go, Go with Grace and God Mercy
